One day in December several years ago I came home to a wrapped gift on my porch. It was twelve days away from Christmas and each of those twelve days would bring another gift. The gifts were pieces of an adorable nativity scene which I still love. At the end of twelve days no one came forward to claim their work. I assumed my secret giver was from my local church congregation, but I could not narrow it down further. For me the year had been ravaged by a long major depressive episode and it was difficult to enjoy the holiday season fully. When my twelve days of Christmas left me with a handful of figurines, but with no friend to show for it, I was crushed. My loneliness felt enhanced.
December is not merry and bright for everyone. For those who are celebrating holidays with lights and parties and presents, it is easy to forget that there are those who are dreading each day. Depression is an isolating disease. It is not easy or very fun to interact with someone who is clinically depressed. You may feel your efforts are not worth it because they don’t seem to make a difference.
Every bit of kindness and love matters! Small efforts matter. Planning twelve days of presents is nice, and I am grateful for my anonymous benefactor, but it is your presence not your presents that make a real impact. You may not realize that small moments of connection are actually big injections of hope for the other person. You may not know whose lives you have saved just by being a bright spot in an endless sea of gloom.
In A.A. Milne’s timeless classic Winnie the Pooh, a character named Eeyore seems to have the characteristics of someone who is chronically depressed. He mopes, he mutters, he speaks slowly, and does not seem to enjoy much. Christopher Robin and all the animal-friends invite him along anyway.
“And how are you?” said Winnie-the-Pooh. Eeyore shook his head from side to side. "Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time." "Dear, dear," said Pooh, "I'm sorry about that. Let's have a look at you.”
(Goodreads, 2021a)
Please take some time to really look at your friends. People so rarely can tell you what they need. “Let me know if you need anything,” just isn’t enough. It doesn’t matter if you say the ‘right’ words. It doesn’t matter if you have money or time for gifts. Your every effort matters. It is not your job to cure depression or fix all the problems. That is a recipe for discouragement and burn out. You can make someone’s next moment brighter just by being you and offering presence. Moments, moments of real connection, can make all the difference.
Piglet: “How do you spell 'love'?" Pooh: "You don't spell it...you feel it."
(Goodreads, 2021b)
References:
Goodreads (2021a). A.A. Milne quotes. Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/81466.A_A_Milne?page=4
Goodreads(2021b). A.A. Milne quotes. Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/81466.A_A_Milne?page=1
Image 2:
Spictacular (talk · contribs) [Public domain or Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons
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